#30: Why No Inheritance (PART 1)

【Manipulative Parents】
“Counting on his parents’ estate, he fools around without feeling the life’s pressures.”
“She needs not worry about her finances because she’ll inherit the family fortune.”
“Despite the modest size of my parents’ life savings, I nonetheless welcome whatever is available as anything extra will help pay our expenses.”
 
Now and again, we come across such comments. Some may say that, “Leaving the life savings to our own children is a virtuous act.” Some even go as far as to say that, “Inheritance is love.”
 
But are they really?
 
If inheritance were indeed love, then does it make us more loving just because we have more possessions to leave behind? However, history knows so many unloving and uncaring magnates who’ve left behind a fortune to their own children. What’s more, history shows countless examples of flashy lives mired in misfortunes as a result of their wealth.
 
If inheritance were indeed love, then does it make us full of love just because we were left with a vast family fortune? If so, then what do we make of the wealthy heirs who’ve become embroiled in ugly inheritance battles with their own siblings and closest ones? Or those who’ve lived a miserable life as a result of an internal struggle that comes with inheritance?
 
If inheritance were indeed love, then does it make us less loving simply because we have little possessions to leave behind? However, we find so many loving and caring parents who don’t own much assets but have plenty of love and joy to share with their children. And we come across countless examples of happy lives as a result of nurturing parenting.
 
So, whether we’re left with inheritance or not, it really has nothing to do with love and happiness.
 
Which brings us to our next thought.
 
Perhaps, at its heart, inheritance is just another form of a Selfish Love.
 
“As parents, not only do we raise our child, but also leave behind our life savings. That’s why the child must do as we say.”
 
Every so often, we encounter parents whose words and actions, whether knowingly or not, reflect such idea. And those reflections possess the powerful potential to destroy the child’s human dignity, triggering a myriad of emotional and developmental distress that stands in the way of the child to live a fulfilling life.
 
For instance, manipulating a child with a threat of leaving him/her out of the will unless parents' demands are met. On the one hand, the child’s wish to get along with parents seems deeply rooted in human nature. On the other hand, the child battles with one’s own conscience torn between the shame of undeserving wealth and the entitlement to inheritance. As a result, the child often endures parents’ control and continues to swallow one’s own feelings and emotions.
 
Furthermore, from time to time we notice another aspect of parents’ manipulation. That is, the false sense of being pardoned of our own shortcomings in parenting by leaving behind our life savings. That is, as if to buy indulgences to expiate our sins.
 
Face our child straight on, and share the highs and lows of life together. See our child as s/he is, carefully deliberate how to engage with him/her with honesty and sincerity, and shower him/her with a wealth of love and time spent together. Every so often, we encounter parents who, whether knowingly or not, don’t meet such parental responsibilities. On the contrary, we also come across many responsible parents who nevertheless revisit their own mistakes in parenting and regret that they “Should’ve done better.”
 
Money can erase our own shortcomings in parenting. We can buy ourselves the honorary title of “Great Parents.”
 
Such notions of Selfish Love have the tendency to bind itself to inheritance and pass on to the next generation. Adult children – who grew up in the shadows of the controlling parents – tend to show signs of getting trapped. Many studies have found that as they become a parent themselves, they somehow unknowingly repeat the controlling pattern of their own manipulative parents.

Read Next: Why No Inheritance (2)【Hinder Independence】
​
Complete Series: Why No Inheritance (1)～(7)
[1]   [2]   [3]   [4]   [5]   [6]   [7]  
 
Read Theme: Inheritance