#55: Opposing a Marriage (PART 2)

【What are we as Parents?】
“Parents are humans, too. We have our likes/dislikes and the right to say No.” Perhaps, many parents of the world may argue to that effect.
 
Naturally, we all have our likes/dislikes, as well as the right to say No on any given issue. But truth be told, when it’s about whom our grown children choose to marry, the parents’ likes/dislikes have no relevance.
 
Why? Because it’s clearly about our grown children’s marriage, not about the parents’ marriage. Every one of us has the right to choose whom to marry.
 
Nevertheless, if parents so adamantly insist on making unreasonable demands, or worse yet, oppose our grown children’s marriage. Then, just like any other significant decision in life, parents must be prepared to accept the potential grave consequences. Simply put, it’d be too irresponsible as adults, let alone as parents, to do as we please without any intention of accepting the responsibility for our own actions.
 
So, in spite of the parent’s opposition, when our grown children choose to follow their own heart, the younger couple becomes Partners for life. And the fact that the parents objected – that will forever leave behind a scar in the younger couple’s heart as the bitterness that tainted their moment of true happiness.
 
When, as parents, we find ourselves in such circumstance, we must not thoughtlessly assume that the younger couple will someday forgive and forget. That our grown children will eventually learn to play along with us in pretending it never happened. In fact, quite the opposite. Parents must be absolutely ready to accept the potential grave consequences.
 
What’s more, despite the younger couple’s patience and tolerance, if that opposition was a reckless abuse of a parental authority. A vehement opposition awash with prejudice and discrimination.
 
In such case, the younger couple may have no choice but to sever all ties with the abusive parents. And, even when the younger couple is eventually blessed with their own children, the parents will likely miss out on the opportunity to forge a loving relationship with their grandchildren.
 
In all fairness, if we’re willing to accept the responsibility for our own actions as adults, and prepared to accept the responsibility for our freedom to oppose as parents, then no one can stop us.
 
Nonetheless, let us be wise and think this through as loving parents.
 
In most cases, parents will pass away before our children. Accepting that fact, shouldn’t we be truly thankful to our children’s partners who’ll love and support each other even after our passing? Shouldn’t we, in fact, realize how blessed we are to have children who were able to find the love of their life? If we are loving parents, then shouldn’t our children’s happiness bring joy and gratitude to our heart?
 
The two adults, deeply caring for one another, are about to begin their fresh new chapter in life together as a husband and wife. That’s, indeed, one of the happiest moments in our children’s life. Truly a very special moment.
 
In that precious and irreplaceable moment, what are we as parents if we find ourselves unable to celebrate for our children? What are we as parents if we’re so concerned about placing our parental authority above all else? Did we truly decide to give birth and raise our children for the sake of the children’s happiness? Or, did we do so for the sake of the parents’ happiness, for our grown children to do as we demand, expecting favors from them?
 
If parents are unknowingly conditioned to think that making unreasonable demands or opposing a marriage is an innocent reflection of the Parents’ love for our children. Or an adorable gesture of not wanting to Let go of our baby. Then, parents ought to think again – perhaps deeper than ever before.
 
It’s because what children really want and need is the parents’ deep love for them. Not the cheap display of how others may perceive.
 
Regardless of what may have happened in the past, or what may unfold in the future, in that one and only moment of our children’s life, we hope to be the parents who can truly celebrate from our heart.

Read Previous: Opposing a Marriage (1)【Think Again】

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